Wasp vs Man

Scary title, hilarious story.

So there was what can only be described as a 'big ass wasp nest' in my chim (outhouse). I was just letting it be for now, not paying any attention to these roommates. I decided there was enough room in there for me to perform my morning rituals, and them to breed more baby wasps to built nest in other inconvenient places. Not that I was opposed to killing them, but if I killed every insect that invaded any part of my property, I wouldn't get much done.

This morning, I was mostly done with my work, and was in the processes of making everything nice and clean, when apparently my decision to stand made one wasp upset. Not upset enough to actually sting me, just enough to repeatedly charge at my face. I attempted to ignore this show of dominance, however it finally got annoying enough to merit a non-fatal swat.

Interesting behavior among wasps that I was not taught to me in entomology: like bees, there is a hive mentality. I'm not certain if I just so happened to strike an important member of their society, or if they are this protective of all there friends and family, but this form of battery was enough to rally all 20 wasps that were previously peacefully coexisting with me.

At this point I must remind you, I was in the process of cleaning when this set of events occurred, so shorts and underwear around the ankles in some form of self-inflicted bondage.

So as I watched 20 very angry wasps (don't ask how I knew they were angry, I could just tell) take flight and form attack pattern alpha, I quickly determined that an immediate retreat was in order. As I go to run out of this quite small structure, I am given a firm reminder of my limited mobility. This reminder comes in the form of me falling, head first, into the wall (don't worry, light hit and didn't really feel it), yet somehow in a very cartoon-like manner, I never stop running. Right out of the door into my back yard, where thankfully the wasps called off the attack and returned to base.

I feel like I lost this battle with the wasps, because while I did not suffer and stings from their abdomens, I did get the emotional sting of being a butt-naked, white guy diving out of my chim. After an immediate decent-ization, and a scan of the surroundings, I believe I may have survived without exposing myself to my village, a small miracle since normally at that time, there are several women working the neighboring field.

Needless to say, the wasps declared war, and I am not above the use of chemical warfare. They may have chased off a few of my attacks, but I did eventually catch them off guard and the entire colony has been eliminated. I guess man and wasp were never meant to coexist.